I’m yellin “Tinder”

The online dating world is the epitome of yeesh to me. Now, I know many friends of mine who have developed lasting, solid relationships through these sites so I mean no disrespect to their success. For me though? Not as successful. My standards are super high and I tend to only get creepy messages from people.

ImageI go for the free sites because I’m not really dying for a boyfriend (I don’t need to be matched or lava-lifed, I just want to get back into dating). So I enter POF and I’m cautious, I’m picky. I ignore most messages and the guys I actually meet I feel more of a kinship friendly vibe than anything else. So what to do?

Enter: Tinder.
Or rather: Enter girls night with my non-single girlfriends who want to live vicariously through me. Add some wine, wifi and bam! I’ve downloaded and registered with Tinder.

For those that do not know, Tinder is a “dating” app that takes pictures of you (chosen by you from Facebook) and let’s you scroll through pictures of other people with the opportunity to “swipe right” (aka “you’re hot, I like your face”) or “swipe left” (aka “nice personalities need not apply”). If you swipe right on someone and they swipe right on you, you get a little Super Mario-esque heart that says “you’ve matched” and now have the opportunity to chat with them.

Sure, Tinder is super judgmental but you’ve gotta be a super-human to admit that looks really don’t matter. I believe that a lot of that initial spark and rambunctious butterflies you get when you have a new crush comes from physical attraction. Then it grows even more once you realize you’re compatible with them and has the potential to turn into the L word. Tinder, in my mind, is perfect. No more sketchy looking dudes messaging me first! As well, for a girl just getting back into the scene, there can be a lot of pressure with online dating. Majority of people want girlfriends and a lot of that initial “do they/don’t they” intrigue is missing. With this app though, I can just like people and leave it at that. If we match, it’s up to me to even reply or take it further!

After a week-long use of the app, I’ve developed my own basic screening process. Dudes, take note:

  • Selfies are dangerous territory. Opting for a fun, silly pose or hanging with friends is good. Mirror shots with your phone, not so much. Where are your friends to take pictures of you? …Are you a psycho murderer who has no friends?
  • Ab shots don’t do it for me. I’m intimidated and love dessert too much. Jersey Shore is so 2010.
  • Pics with your dogs rate highly for me. Pics with your cats make me think you’re too introverted and/or too hip for me.
  • A quote from Looking (HBO) is pretty spot on: “Instagram filters have ruined everything and I can’t tell if this guy is hot or not.”
  • Sunglasses are incredibly misleading! Almost every guy looks hot in sunglasses and then the next picture it’s like the beer goggles came off! Beware! Beware the ray bans!

Anyways, I’m having fun with my girlfriends, being totally judgmental biotches, when BAM! I see someone I know.

ImageWell what do I do?! Do I click “yes” because it’s rude for me not to? Or what if I do and they do too and then they think that we should go on a date? When really all I was doing was being nice? Do I mention it to them? What if they get offended if I didn’t click yes and then I’d have to justify the reasoning?! Why did my fun, carefree, no-strings attached Tinder experience suddenly get so complex! I thought I left my neurosis behind at the AppStore!

In the end, I kind of hid. I didn’t say yes or no and closed the app. Essentially running away from it. Now, I’m not as eager swiping through the pictures in case I run into the dude from my Gr 10 Bio class or a close friend. Then again, maybe I will run into that OTHER dude from my Gr 10 Bio class and I can live out my adolescent fantasies.