Hold onto your butts.

I don’t really know how to properly write the first entry of this blog. I can’t just jump right into the crux of my being but also not bore the readers with minute accounts of my day to day life. I need it to be witty and retrospective enough to warrant a repeat viewing or even the illustrious honour of a bookmark or follow!

I guess as any good narrative begins, I should probably introduce myself. The name is Twitch (or Twitchyq if you will), pleasure to meet you. I’m approaching the age where I should have figured out my shit, learned how to hem my own jeans, and not dissolve into a pit of giggles every time a paint can hits Marv in Home Alone. Alas, in my 28 years on this earth, I still haven’t quite mastered those things.

Some Things I *have*mastered:

  • Daily functions (I can sort my laundry AND tie my shoes)
  • Random memorization of seemingly unimportant information (just you wait, my line-to-line recitation of The Princess Bride or various softball cheers from middle school will one day come in handy)
  • The pass code to get past the really hard lava level in Aladdin on SNES and move onto the fun genie level
  • Knowing my passions and when I’m motivated, pursuing them

Things I should probably work on:

  • Treating people like I want to be treated BUT also not getting upset when they don’t do the same (the world’s an unfair place, yo)
  • Learning that being a vegetarian doesn’t just mean “eat more potatoes and put cheese on things to make them taste better”
  • Ruining movies/TV shows/Book endings by inadvertently giving obvious hints (I.e. “Oh man, that ending! So GOOD! Pay close attention to the part where he tells him he sees DEAD people!”) Side note: I didn’t actually say that but my sister claims I do this all the time
  • Turning my negative, awkward thoughts into something a bit more productive….

… Waazah! An idea sparks during lunch with some old friends. My buddy turns to me after I regale him with one of my stories. “Man!! Twitch, you should write a blog about the awkward, yeesh-filled but not totally soul crushing things that you experience. I’d totally read that and you can use the anonymity of the Internet to be as honest as you wants” (I may have paraphrased his more succinct “you should write a blog”). Well, after many drinks and the realization that I am self-involved enough to devote a blog to my inner ramblings, here we are.

In this blog, I will take you through some of the misadventures of a 5 ft somebody. I was debating if I should go with a “20s somebody” instead of “5 ft but I figured, hey I’ve identified more with being the precocious kid in the front row of school photos long before being a 20-something. I hope to write about funny / borderline pathetic events in my life with an attempt at humour alongside them. The heavy stuff? Personal tragedies, dogs dying or the ending of Lost? That’ll be channelled elsewhere. So sit back, curl up, shavasana or whatever and enjoy the ride.

Oh, and I promise: the second, third, twentieth post… Those will be much easier to get through.  At least, for mine and the rest of the ‘net’s sanity, let’s hope so.