You know what’s a horribly awkward experience that almost every person on the planet has experienced? Unrequited love. There’s a reason there are so many country songs and movies starring Molly Ringwald that address this. I’m not writing about the kind where the dude leads you on intentionally or you’re just completely delusional about the relationship. I mean the kind where you never really knew what could or will happen. Those “in-between”, ” maybe” boys. The kind that keeps you up at night when it’s way past the honourable mention of sleep and all you can do is fantasize about the what ifs.
“What if”…. Ugh, that’s a horrible, horrible phrase. I guess it has some historical/scientific purpose or else we would probably still be sitting in our caves doodling on walls and roasting s’mores and never have gone out exploring the world…. But when it comes to late night internal debates? Brutal.
We’ve all done the awkward wave.
I’ve had my fair share of unrequited loves. I don’t know if it’s just because I’m chicken shit (I am) or I like the idea more than the reality (most likely) or if I just really like putting myself through the drama (my dad once bought me a mug that said “drama queen” on it). Yet, I seem to continually find myself in these situations. I like guys that aren’t living in the same province as me, the guys who are engaged to I’m sure their lovely fiancées, the dude from high school I never got to go to prom with, the list goes on! Not to worry though, 90% of the time I don’t do jack and just keep on plodding on through life while sitting miserably by my computer screen while they post happy couple pictures on Facebook.
“Well, Twitch,” you may think, “you sound kinda pathetic instead of funny and I was promised some funny blog content! Get to the good stuff.” Alright, how about the boy I’ve liked since elementary school getting married and inviting yours truly as his only childhood friend to the wedding? It’s taking all I can NOT to turn into Julia Roberts from My Best Friend’s Wedding. Or finding out that someone you liked wanted to ask you out but you thought that train had sailed so you friend zoned his butt, only to learn years later that you’re the idiot and he was going to ask you out? That time when you liked someone younger but have no idea how to broach the subject without coming across as a Ms. Robinson? What about when a guy tells you he likes you but oh wait, he jumps on a plane shortly after? (this one has actually happened more than once)
A part of me loves it: the chase, the crush, the mystery. Another part of me hates it: the uncertainty, the self-doubt, the let down. I know the obvious answer to all my unrequited love stories to slap myself and make myself more available to the “here and now guys” rather than the “hopefully later guys”. I am learning to do that. It’s scary but I’ll get there. The world is full of less complicated relationships. Yet the hopeless romantic in me is still looking for that movie ending … And hopefully its one where i don’t die tragically in his arms, ditch ducky at the dance or end up twirling around a wedding with my gay best friend. Actually, come to think of it, the last one doesn’t sound that bad.